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I feel like every decision I've made in my life has been a mistake. I think the people who say "everything you've done in your life - every consequence makes you who you are," are just lying to themselves.

I am who I am, and I am not happy. I can't be happy with anything I have. I'm a C student because I don't give a shit about anything.

The thought occured to me today that I always text people when I think of them, or chat them online, just to see how they've been. I feel like I never get those calls or messages. "Hey, I miss you!" or "I was just thinking of you," I never get that. I never got that.

If I don't decide on a major by this time next year, I'm dropping out and moving away and leaving this life behind.

And I fucking hate how I sound like a teenager. I'm 21 years old for Christ's sake. Is this normal? To feel like I have absolutely no direction? To feel mislead and alone? Rolling around all night and sleeping the day away?

The only moment of bliss I get is (I don't know why) the cold sweat when I've just finished puking. That is the best feeling in the world, even though it's preceded by the worst.

Do I need a girlfriend? Maybe.

I want someone to love me and believe in me. Is that too much to ask for?